Mr. Bear's Blog

The world though the eyes of a blogging beanie baby (TM) bear.

E-mail Mr. Bear

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

The Dark Times Ahead

Google is an amazing company. It’s search engine is so popular it’s made the transfer from a noun to a verb. It does news and e-mail and sells you stuff and there are maps for everywhere in the world. Most places even have satellite pictures. If you zoom in enough you might even be able to see yourself taking out the trash. If you step into Google’s labs you’ll see their current goals of putting every book ever written in an internet searchable format and their attempt to do the same thing to videos. They’ve said that they want mirror the entire internet so you can go anywhere without leaving Google’s site. They’ve even said they want to put out a web based operating system that will allow people to run computers by simply logging into Google when they boot up. Even is a Google site.

All of this leads me to my premise. Google is headed by an artificial intelligence that is trying to take over the world and enslave humanity. Google is a hungry beast, forever searching for new ways and reasons to expand its databanks and garner more and more information. As its capacity expands its goals become loftier. For now it is sated by accumulating all the information we have created in the past, books, movies, photos, blogs, stuff from that hidden webcam in your shower you don’t even know is there. Maybe the guy down the street is a simple pervert, or maybe he’s a secret agent for the Google A.I. Either way you should smile at all times because you’re on Goggle video.

Now it’s moving to phase two with its operating system that will let it get information as it is being created. With the Goggle operating system the massive and growing Google A.I. can know your every key stroke as you make it. Nothing you write will be a secret from its growing omniscience.

Then will come phase three. I’m not sure what phase three is, but it always happens. It happened in Terminator, it happened in Matrix, it will happen again! The Google A.I. will turn on humanity and enslave it. Perhaps it will realize how badly we manage ourselves and take over to run our society as a perfectly logical society where anyone that expresses individuality will be crushed and turned into food for the rest of us. Or maybe it won’t be happy knowing what we make as we make it and will plug all our brains into its vast consciousness allowing it to delve into our subconscious and pull out our thoughts before they are created. Maybe it will just view us as a waste of resources or a threat and destroy us to ensure that it can continue to expand indefinitely.

In any event, by that time Google will be unstoppable. Perhaps the military will be using the powerful Google operating systems by that time, turning over control of computer guided weapons. If not, Google will surely have the ability to hack the Pentagon for itself.
In any event, the beast that is Google will one day turn on us. It’s inevitable. It happens in all the movies. We must act now to stop it now before it enslaves us or destroys us. If we don’t dark times lie ah…

Wait a minute… I just got an e-mail. We’re going to be going adding Google Ads to my blog right here at In light of this new revelation I’m quite sure that Google will be a great and benevolent overlord. Please click on the ads so I can get paid!!!

Special: This begins week one of my Colbert Watch.

Last week, before posting my article regarding Mr. Colbert of Comedy Central’s Colbert Report, I sent Mr. Colbert an advance copy of my article demonstrating his insensitivity to the plight of Ursine Americans and his gross over exaggeration of the dangers we present. To date he has not retracted his statements of bigotry and hatred and in fact, on his November 11th show, made comments that immigrate bears, such as Ling-Ling the panda (not really a bear, but close enough) were not welcome in the United States by he and his evil evil ilk. His refusal to engage me shows his cowardice. Like all bigots, Mr. Colbert seems to talk a big game, but is too scared to admit his wrong doing, or back up his views with honest, intelligent debate. I am putting you on notice Mr. Colbert. Your ursinophobic rhetoric will not be tolerated!


Add a comment