Normally, I don’t bother with mundane news that’s covered by the major media, but they’ve finally slipped up.
For those of you that missed my stunning revelation, see my November 23rd article, the Truth about Turkeys.
I’m not sure if it’s the fact that I’ve exposed them or this avian flu virus has them off their stride, but this has been all over the news. The turkeys are not only admitting to being worried about an avian flu pandemic, their admitting to being in charge of the government. There’s all this talk about “Turkish officials,” and they’re saying all sorts of complex things. And all the time most people though all turkeys did was gobble and drown in the rain! I knew nothing could actually be that stupid!
But this has all made me realize something most dire! This avian flu virus is capable of infecting people, and that can only mean one thing… the turkeys no longer have use for us and are developing biological weapons to wipe us out! Clearly they’ve recruited millions of suicide chickens to deliver this deadly, engineered disease. Fortunately this first version has proven too unpredictable for them as it’s been targeting more poultry than people. Still, this shows that it’s all out war!
People of the world, UNITE! Lift up your forks and your knives! Perpare your gravy boats for battle on the high seats! I know it’s not Thanksgiving, but we must do all that we can to win this day. There can be no stopping, there can be no surrender! We must eat back our destiny! We must survive so we can be free people when we a conquered by the Google A.I.
I’m already on my third helping, but I can’t do it alone. I need you as much as you need me!
By the way, is anybody else feeling really tired?
Good night and flying spaghetti monster bless.
Colbert Watch: Week Eight